Fate

I feel that there is a reason everything happens, but I'm not sure what the reason is tonight. I was trying to get to a friend's blog, typed in her address and ended up here! Then I laughed because the title is "what are you doing here?"

I've been meaning to start blogging again, so I'm sure I'll be back...but now I'm off to find that blog!

I'm back!

Ok...so it's been a year. I moved over to MySpace for general blogging. But now I'm finding that I NEED to write, but I don't want the whole world to read my words, but I hate when people post "private" or "friends only" blogs. It's just annoying :) So, I'll post here when I want, since I know that only a few people read this, and those that I know in real life know everything anyway :)
So......I'm feeling invisible. I think that's the best way to put it. At home. At work. At home. At home. Have I mentioned at home? I try not to complain about Hubby in a public forum, but good god, the guy's addicted to his game. He had a root canal today and didn't sign up to play. But then he got asked to play and didn't want to tell the other players no. I knew if I said that I didn't want him to play he'd just sit out here and pout and eventually end up on the computer anyway so I didn't bother. I realize that I am "part of the the problem" but it's not that I haven't told him how I feel about the amount of his game play. I can't force him to stop, just as I can't force him to lose weight, exercise, or get a new job. But he doesn't seem to hear in my words that I don't like this. I don't like coming home from work to cook dinner so he can eat in front of the the computer. I don't like doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc while he plays on the computer. I don't like that he schedules time to play with his sister and the other people online but he can't schedule time with me. I feel as though I have to do all the work to make the change...plan the "date night," pick the day, time, dinner, movie, etc. And I've told him all of this and he says he realizes it's a problem, but he can't seem to do anything about it.
At work, the kids aren't listening to me....but that's probably because I've been on "detach" mode since the middle of May. See, in less than 2 weeks, I will no longer be a teacher. I will be the assistant director. I am really excited, but it is hitting me. I won't get to read stories to the kids on a regular basis, or cuddle on the couch. Or play ball in the muscle room. But I also won't have to prep another art project. Or PLAN another art project! Or spend a weekend coloring and laminating small group activities. I can CHOOSE to read stories to children....Hmmmm.....I should do that. Music one day a week and "expressive storytime" once a month or something. I looked over the list of duties, and I really think I can schedule "kid" time in, other than music, at least once a week for each classroom. But my "little buddy" gave me a card today and I started to cry. He's moving up the same day I move to the office, and he thinks it's kind of funny that we are both "moving up." And my other little friend's last day is my last day, and as difficult as she's been, I'm gonna miss her.
Still want a baby, but I know that our marriage really isn't "right" for one at this time. That pisses me off a bit. This new job will help us financially, though, so maybe we can pay down some debt and ease things up there a bit. We really want to take a "plane trip" but now that Hubby found out the total cost of the root canal, I don't know if THAT'S gonna happen. We also should replace our water heater. The root canal and crown equal a water heater and trip to Vegas. *sigh*
Really, life isn't all that bad. I'm just......lonely, invisible, and sad a lot. I want ice cream. Hee-hee...that was random :) But maybe ice cream would make me a little happier, at least for the moment.

Whoo-hoo!!

Critical Dialogue went very well!!! At first we couldn't get the 2nd reader on the phone, but once we got past that, it went very well. I felt like I was babbling, and actually would have been more comfortable in person (so I could read body language), but all in all....they were both very excited about the paper and said I was a pioneer. It's a topic that is not heavily researched, and if I cared more about true research, I'd totally do more. As it stands, I'd really like to expand the topics and develop the paper into a publishable book. I should look into Redleaf.....But, I'll probably present my ideas at the ELEA conference, and maybe present at a staff meeting.
My manic mood is coming down....I'm getting hungry (again) and it's almost noon. Darks are in the dryer, recycling needs to go out still....oh! On the Painted House show (I think that's the one...with Debbie Travis), she just took a treadle sewing machine and took out the machine...and turned the box into a vanity, it a mirror on the inside of the lid, and a little chain to keep the lid at the right angle when open. Of course, the ruined it by stripping the original finish and painting it.....but I thought it was a neat idea!

me again....

I haven't been online much lately...been playing KH2. I think I may be reaching the end....or at least the beginning of the end. You have to visit each world twice, and I've completed every world, with the exception of Pride Rock...I just unlocked that (again!) last night. I've been a very good girl and HAVEN'T checked out any walk-throughs or anything. I'm doing this all by myself :) Last night I completed Beast's Castle, started AND finished Agrabah, and opened the Tournaments in the Underworld. AND I had Tigger on my lap for most of it :) Rory joined us for a bit, but he wasn't very comfortable with the vibrating controller!!
I have my critical dialogue today in 2 hours. I'm trying to stay relaxed...but I feel like I barely even remember what my paper is about! Eh...I'll be fine :)
We found oout on Monday that the church has hired a new director. I was talking with one of the parents last night who was on the hiring committee...and I feel much better about the transition from the current director to the new director. She sounds like she'll be a good fit...closer in age and lifestyle to much of the staff. As much as we may have complained about the current director, she really does care about her staff and families and will be missed. Her retirement party is next Thursday (that reminds me...I have to go to the M-store today or tomorrow), and then she's done at the end of the month. She said she's going to have a party at her house so we can see her, since she doesn't feel comfortable coming back to visit, at least for a while.
Hmmm...I wasn't expecting that to go to the sad side of things!! I better plug the computer in or turn it off...and start some laundry or something. I have a very long to-do list today :)

Guess what.....???

It's DONE!!!! My paper is DONE!!!!! Critical dialogue is next Thursday (tentively) and graduation is Saturday. Wow.....can't believe it's really almost done (it will be over when I get the bound work in my hands. I just hope it's not green!).
I got "Kingdom Hearts 2" on Sunday and have played WAY too much since then. I really should take the night off....but I want to keep going. I'm in the Land of the Dragons right now. Mulan sucks on missions, but does just fine when we are fighting normally. *sigh* That part was a bit frustrating. And the Gummi Ship is worse than in the first game. Let's see...it sucked in the first place, so let's make it worse!! Otherwise, the graphics rock, and there are a few good changes in the game play. I just can't wait to open Port Royal. I think I can have Capt. Jack Sparrow in my party :) Sister, I'll call you over for that :)
Ok...gotta do dinner and bills so I can play a bit tonight!!

blah blah blah

Here's yet another Capstone related entry.....I sent it off to my second reader last night. Supposedly, the second reader will only have minimum suggestions, I'll make those, send it back, get the OK, and then set up a time for the Chair, my second reader and I to have a phone conference. That would be the Critical Dialogue. Apparently it's a celebration of my work, and the two people that have done it so far said it's really not a big deal. HOPEFULLY we can do that before graduation (which is in like 3 weeks) and I can be DONE!!! Then I send it to the binders to be made into a few books (2 for the college, 1 for me) and TA DA!! All by myself!! :) Well, not really, but Sister will get it :)
Other than that, life is blah. Feeling.....weird towards Hubby. Must be because our anniversary is coming up. Our tradition is to have a big fight for our anniversary. No really...it's happened EVERY year. So why should this year be any different? I guess we are going to some fancy casual place this weekend with the In-Laws (all of them) to celebrate MIL and FIL's 40th anniversary, our anniversary, and my graduation. I'm not excited about it....always feel so out of place, but we aren't paying for it, so apparently that makes it all better.
I need a snack. Dinner was not so good. Then I fell asleep from 7-8. I was just going to go to bed, but then I'd be wide awake way before the crack of dawn...probably before Rory too!! So, I watched Mythbusters, then Good Eats, now Futurama.....then Harvey Birdman, or bed. We'll see. But first, some kind of snack. Found furry raspberries in my leftover fruit pizza, so I don't think THAT will be snack. Which is too bad cuz it was yummy. Maybe some ice cream. With oreos. Or....oreos and milk. Or ramen....no that would be better for lunch :)

Getting closer!!

I added a Table of Contents (or 2 :) ) to my paper tonight. It took about 2 hours...and that was using the auto-format feature thing that WORD has!! But, once I thought harder than the computer (or maybe I stopped thinking...I don't know...I'm really tired!) I made it work :) Woo-hoo! Tomorrow will be writing a few conclusions or maybe just buzzing through the few little revisions...Hmmm....A few of those are headings, which are included in the TOC....hopefully that will be a not so hard fix. Anywho.....I just want this DONE before graduation....which is just over a month from now!!
Also, I have a doctor's appt next week. Gonna find out what I need to get checked so we know why we aren't having kids. I've put it off so long, and I finally snapped today....started crying on the way home from work and I just decided not to put it off any more. I probably won't be able to start any blood work until next month, but maybe not....I'll drink lots of water, just in case. I don't know why it just really got to me today, more so than any other month :(
Went to IKEA yesterday...needed retail therapy :) We bought our sheers. They are silvery. They had purple ones I like too, but Hubby was against purple (for upstairs, not the living room). Anyway, we need to hem them (yeah for the iron-on stuff!!) and get the hardware. And some sort of tie-backs or something.
OH!! Sister!! We are having fondue Friday. Maybe something lite for dessert? We'll chat :)
Ok "Headlines" is on, gotta go potty, and I need a snack...and so do the kitties :)

Almost ALMOST done!

That's right...I'm almost ALMOST done!! I turned in my capstone on Sunday night and heard back from my chair Monday. She said I SHOULD hear back from her this week. I'll start panicking next week :) Hopefully there won't be a billion revisions. I already had her go over the project, and I revised parts of that. And the main body has been picked over for the last 2 years...so HOPEFULLY it won't be TOO much.
Got graduation gear on Saturday...and lost Hubby in the college library. Never thought THAT would happen! When I couldn't find him, I just pointed myself towards the periodicals and knew I'd find him there :)
So, I decided to get myself in over my head on a NEW project. Yeah, I'm taking over the alumni band. I emailed the parade guys and the high school band director tonight. Hopefully I didn't just do something big and naughty!! Once I get a list from the previous organizers I'll start emailing and snail-mailing alum and HOPEFULLY get a decent turn-out. I just don't want to be sitting on my ass getting sunburned again this year!!
Hubby is freaking out cuz his online game is "broken" tonight....I'm waiting for the DT's to kick in :) There are boys all over the world freaking out because the WoW patch didn't work. And their women are rejoicing :) WAIT!!! Hubby's not online...what am I doing here?!? We should have been watching a movie or playing video games together!!!
OH!! Note to sister (since gmail makes her 'puter stupid)...I bought extra ice cream if we want banana splits or sundaes this Friday....you just need to provide cream in a can, bananas, and everything but chocolate syrup and caramel syrup :) YES!!! Hubby and Sunny have commandeered the cream in a can. She comes RUNNING when she hears the psst! of the whipped cream. It's very cute :) Really, it is :)

ETA: I just ordered graduation announcements....why? Cuz I'm dumb! I wasn't going to pay big bucks...and then I realized I was too something to do it on my own. Afraid I'd get the date wrong or the address wrong or the degree wrong. As it is, I think my diploma will just say "Psymon Bee" when I think I'd really like it to say "Psymon T. Bee" but....I guess I can email someone about that. Anyway...went online and discovered that the deadline for grad announcements was Monday....but I went to the website anyway and it allowed my order. So I suppose Monday was the cut off to do it through the university. This site had all the information on the ceremonies and all, so it was quick and painless...until I get the credit card bill!! Hubby will not be happy, but now I have something to give his mother.
Why am I not as excited as everyone thinks I should be....Oh yeah....CUZ I'M NOT REALLY DONE YET!!!! And I think I'm PMS-ing so my emotions are all over the place....hmmm....hope the announcements come in time...they didn't give an ETA on them....4-6 weeks puts me at....2 weeks before graduation! Good think all my family is in town!!! They all know the date and time, so this is just a formality. But, if the COLLEGE'S deadline was yesterday, then they SHOULD get here on time...I can't imagine that they'd REALLY charge $17 for fast shipping (or whatever it was!) if you waited until the one-stop grad-shop to order. Ok....only minor regrets now....
*stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid*