many apologies....

Sorry for the extreme lack of updates. I have been swamped and lazy and depressed. I've been feeling a bit like a failure and a screw-up and have really seen no real reason to update.
Still haven't heard back from my Family Systems instructor. In theory, she has another day, so I guess I can't start bitching until Tuesday. I've gotten all A's thus far, and I'd really like to know if I can add another one, or if I really truely am a screw-up. I have been working on parent handouts for my latest class and THOSE are knocking me on my ass. I am not familiar with the program I have been using, so that means instead of whipping this thing out in less than an hour, one handout takes me like 2 hours! Then after I finished the second handout, I checked my email and got the handouts from a classmate. They are done using the same program but look so damn professional! Tri-fold brochures!! Trying NOT to be bothered by it...but I am.
Last week we finshed landscaping the front entry. Well, sort of. We still need to add some sort of shrubery, but I think we'll wait a bit, since we did have frost again this weekend. Yesterday we spent all day looking at entry doors for the front and back. I'm dead serious. We went to 2 different Home Depots and a Menards, and we went to one of the Depots 2 times!!! We finally got our back door today. Our front door has a dent in it, but it was the only one, and that brand is being discontinued. So, we got it. Now this week we have to get at least one storm door. Those cost just a little bit less than the doors. We'll have just enough rebate money for one storm door. We'll probably have to charge the other. We'll see.....So, next Saturday, FIL is coming over to install at least the front door. Knowing him, it will take all damn day and we'll lose the whole day. Sunday is our anniversary, and I already told Hubby I am doing something fun, not house related. Hopefully I won't have to do it myself. Maybe if it's not tundra-esque next weekend, we could go to Como Zoo and see the new conservatory (where I wanted to get married, but the guest list kept getting too big, and our date was pretty much booked solid). I want to get a cake or make a cake or cupcakes or something too...we'll see....Hubby has said we will go some place nice for dinner...Timberlodge probably. Then the following weekend, we are going to Kincaid's to celebrate his sister's upcoming graduation from law school. NOT looking forward to that....entrees start at $23.oo...appetizers are $9!! This is NOT our kind of eating out. AHHHHHH! Then mother's day.....
Time to help with the grillin'

Vent

Ok...I HAVE to vent....since I can't vent about work, I'll just have to vent about trying to get pregnant. I am pretty much convinced that it didn't work this month either. I am so fucking tired of this. I have a husband who refuses to get checked out, if you know what I mean....and even if he would do it, we can't afford it now since his health plan is different. I refuse to get checked out until he gets a clean bill of health. It is easier to test a man's goods than a woman's and 40% of all infertility cases are due to male fertility. I KNOW he's afraid he'll find out something is wrong, but if it is, then we know. We can fix it or try a different route. I am so tired of doing this every month...month after month of playing stupid games, not being turned on or even excited about dragging Hubby to bed since I know that he's only doing it to try to make a baby. I know that sex is not his "love language" so I really shouldn't get TOO upset...I can't change him....but dammit, sometimes a girl wants to feel sexy and WANTED. I give up....I give up....I give up.
I had a bad day all around....woke up with a pissy attitude, then came to the reailization that I will probably never get to have children and that pissed me off. Work pisses me off on Tuesdays, and I made that pretty clear to everyone...then I bit someone's head off and then felt stupid the rest of the day. The syllabus still isn't posted for the class that started today, so I can't start any reading. This sucks....
Maybe I'll go downstairs and play Ratchet and Clank....I like shooting snails.....

DIY...

DIY refers to my frustration with the Mailbox magazine (for educators). It's a super cute magazine, full of ideas, but their site sucks. You can only access extras if you are a subscriber...and if your SCHOOL is a subscriber only one person can have web access OR you can pay $99 to get full access for all. WTF!?!?! So then I was thinking, I could totally do my own magazine. One with ideas, but not just saying, "This is a cute way to learn math." A mix between the NAEYC's professional journal and the Mailbox. A little scholarly and a little idea....like WHY to study bugs, even if you think they are creepy, the truth behind bees and their cousins, facts on honey, and then art, songs, science, math, manipulaitve ideas, etc. Each issue could focus on a topic or maybe 2, and also discuss professionalism (what to do about gossip in the break room? Or how to help a family going through a divorce), and maybe have a "Share your ideas" page. Hmmmm....now that I've posted this on the internet, someone will steal it and I'll never become a multi-million dollar magazine conglomerate :(
I'M DONE WITH FAMILY SYSTEMS!!!!! Now we have to wait AT LEAST 2 weeks for grades. She is the first instructor to wait for the end of the course to do anything. Although, her father did die right before Easter....but I guess if I were her, I would have asked my students if it would be bad to skip an assignment so she had one less thing to grade (or maybe I just didn't want to do the work :) ) OH! I only have 7 classes left!!! AHHHH!!! This one on literacy, then another class on organization or something. Then the scary syn. seminar where I have to work my a$$ off on my capstone (I THINK I'm writing a guide to fantasy play...Any other ideas? It just has to be about fantasy/superhero/rough and tumble play), then 3 more classes then the capstone class when I am supposed to finish and turn in my 100+ page capstone project. After I get the syllabus for the literacy class, I should take a look at the capstone stuff again and see what I should be working on. Oh...and I need to be working on the assessment stuff. This weekend....unless I have homework.....
Well, c'est late....should pull my contacts out, feed the fish and go to bed....oh and start the dishwasher and pull the sheets out of the dryer....and ummm....that's it, I guess. *sigh*
Good night :)

Rain rain go away....

It's just starting to rain here. I am TOTALLY procrastinating. I have a big paper due tomorrow and I only have half of it done. We had fondue for lunch and I am SO sleepy now!
Hee-hee....there are rumbles of thunder and they are scaring Sunny. My fuzzy litte kittie who can scare the pants of a dog is scared of THUNDER! That's ok...Rory is afraid of the Swiffer. He doesn't care for the vacuum, but he HATES the Swiffer!
We ripped out the bush in the front of the house yesterday. It was SO pathetic! It was a bush from Home Depot that wasn't doing well when we bought it....so this time we'll go to Bachman's and get a real bush. I want roses, but I doubt we'll get any. We just need something that is no more than 3 feet tall. I want flowers or colorful leaves. Hubby wants green, and would be happy with something poinky and evergreen-y. Not me....YUCK!
Ick...it's supposed to rain and rain until Tuesday! It just better rain hard and clean off my car....just not when I'm trying to load groceries into the car tomorrow!
Gotta go look at cats at the humane society site!

Sunny Sunday

Sorry I haven't updated all week. Between procrastinating, reading about divorce, and writing a paper on infertility, I haven't really had much to write about.
Ugh...it's a beautiful sunny day, and I've been inside writing a paper. I did get out several times, though, just to sit out in the sun. That was nice :) The cats all got out too, and are now very sleepy.
Hubby and Dragon are playing computer games....I want to go grab Subway and eat at the park, take a walk...enjoy the sun. Maybe if I finish my paper fast I can kick Dragon out :) Better go do that then :)